Beijing Express – Report Cards: welcome to The White Lotus glamping edition

We survived another installment of Beijing Express discovering hidden India. Things got really spicy, in the sense that only Barbara Lombardo’s taste buds are able to support certain things. Were it not for Schillaci weeping at his side they would have already become I Calabresi instead of I Siculi. Costantino Della Gherardesca and Enzo Miccio don’t give anyone any discounts, and the going gets really tough, especially for the squeamish and those accustomed to glamping in Courmayeur. It was very close to turning this episode into an unedited season of The White Lotus (or should we say The White Tiger).

But let’s not waste time and let’s go straight to the votes with the spicy Report Cards of this spicy episode of Beijing Express

The Mediterraneans – Grade 5

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After the first stages always at the top, Le Mediterranee stop in a gray middle ground where they are not last but not even first. They’re fine with thatalso because their legal nemeses have now left the scene and the couple formed by Carolina Stramare and Barbara Prezia would prefer to eat Indian chutney once a week rather than continue to compete with the lawyers.

The Italian Americans – Vote 10

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I think that at this point in the competition Endemol Shine Italia and Sky should seriously start thinking about a television format with Joe Bastianich as the protagonist. I imagine the restaurant man engaged in a traveling documentary to discover places around the world. A real latch manual to put on the shelf next to the Playbook by Barney Stinson et al Phil’s-osophy Of Modern Family. The three manuals will compose the Gifts of Love and together they will create a master of love (or of the stroke, depending on your point of view).

In short, it would be a trash version of Geo & Geo with Joe Bastianich instead of Licia Colò.

Documentaries aside, in this episode Joe and Andrea are literally on fire (not only for the spicy chutney) but also because they manage to handle even the most absurd unexpected events well, such as the loss of the map and The Newlyweds who steal the passage from under the nose.

Ps: I imagine all the former aspiring MasterChef competitors who see the judge forced to eat absurd foods without the possibility of complaining or smashing the plate. What does revenge taste like friends? spicy right?

The Newlyweds – Rating 9

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In this episode, the Novelli Sposi run even more than Costa and Enzo Miccio, complaining about the slowness of the two conductors in starting the race in the morning.

But the big elephant in the room is the one that eats the fruit of the newlyweds and forces Matteo Giunta to dive into the mud many times. A performance of this kind not even Cagnotto at the Olympicsa pity that Pellegrini didn’t take it very well (it must have been the traumatic past with Indian spices).

In any case, despite some unforeseen events, Matteo and Federica are reconfirmed among the best even with the usual bronze around their necks. Will it perhaps be a tactic to aim for the final sprint? We don’t know, but we do know that the married couple enjoy making strange friendships in Indian territory.

I’m not talking about the nice cockroach that Matteo saved even if it was the Indian St. Francis, but about the lawyers with whom they also have dinner. Probably even vipers are sacred in India and the Giunta couple really care about the traditions of the people.

Ps: who knows if glamping in Courmayeur or a weekend at the Abano spa is better.

The Activists – Vote 5

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The Activists discovered their passion for Indian theater and for elephants (only because they weren’t the ones who had to walk the catwalk with fruit and a tray).

The magical ones, strengthened by last week’s victory, also won a message from their boyfriends. The non-famous boyfriend launched into a sweet dedication of love, while the famous boyfriend reminded his Giorgia to have fun and win. All very nice, perhaps less beautiful for the guy who not only gave a lift to the two nice friends, but also had to put up with Giorgia’s crying moment with The Loneliest in the background. But don’t try to call her “Damiano’s girlfriend”, as the situation gets complicated.

In any case, the magic wheel of fortune also turned for the activists, who after giving up in the chutney test, pulled an Indian who spoke Italian out of his hat and even offered them pizza (even without pineapple). .

Ps: in your place I would give the Indian theater a chance, as long as you stay in India and don’t decide to set out on the tortuous and obscure path of Italian fiction.

The Sicilies – Vote 6

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The Lawyers are very proud that they have never stayed in a hostel in their life. They probably don’t know that it’s one of life’s most unique and colorful experiences, but nothing repays the feeling of returning to the bathroom at home. This joyful and familiar sensation reminded me of the Sicilians in this episode of Beijing Express.

They are not interested in the position in the standings, they are interested in someone recognizing Toto in the middle of the street, singing “magic nights” with him and that in the place chosen for the night there is a bathroom with a cup and not a Turkish service.

It doesn’t matter if there isn’t even a bed in the house to sleep in, for them that bathroom is like a five-star luxury hotel. Ultimately I want to live life as the Sicilians live their nights in tents. We love you.

Mother and Son – Grade 7

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Achille and Martina are fierce, even if the character frictions continue to be felt. Achilles has the same patience as Gordon Ramsay in any episode of Hell’s Kitchen and Martina Colombari continues with stoic perseverance to ignore the requests of her short-tempered son.

In any case, I think that the mood of my life is Martina who with enviable elegance eats her saucer of chutney without batting an eye, as if they fed her with milk and nduja as a child. This must be why she thinks Achilles is the same as his grandfather, even if the boy seemed to me much less accustomed to Indian food.

This didn’t stop them from grabbing yet another immunity test, despite some dirty tricks from their mother and some mud masks from Achilles (but less and less than those of the opponent Giunta).

Lawyers – Grade 2

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The day has come, the villains have been defeated, and the kingdom of Beijing Express is free to flourish again. The harassment against Lawyer 2 is over, and the henchwoman can finally go back to her everyday life without Lawyer 1 who orders her to do things, swallow things, find things, run, attempt the life of tiger men , make up tiger men and so on.

In this episode we learned a lot about Alessandra’s maid, who I imagine on the sofa at home enjoying the show of her employer forced to stick manure on the walls and eat unappetizing food. There was also talk of the lawyers’ glamorous holidays, an event that immediately transformed this episode of Beijing Express into a special episode of The White Lotus – India Edition.

On the other hand, the air of glamping is there, Costantino and Enzo can be the perfect hosts, the lawyers are the friendly couple full of secrets and the tiger man becomes the involuntary target of a heinous crime.

* initials of The White Lotus*

It’s the eye of the tiger

It’s the thrill of the fight

Rising up to the challenge of our rival

They sang i Survivor, too bad lawyers are not just survivors.

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