The race to discover hidden India continues with our pairs of backpackers, as always every Thursday evening at 21:15 on Sky Uno and streaming on NOW. After the two victories of the Mediterranean, and the elimination of the Hypochondriacs, this is the episode of revenge, with the rankings flipping and an episode finale that had everyone pulling their hair out. But this is too Beijing Express and, although an Ayurvedic massage would be good for everyone right now, here we are eating the usual junk food while laughing at the woes of the competing couples.
In India everything is possible, even seeing gli autisti dei tuk-tuk who competed with each other as if they were in tuk-tuk Formula 1 (which would be quite interesting anyway). What we see, however, are only The Lawyers who continue to chew butts as if they were there Violetta Beauregarde of The Chocolate Factory with his record ruminating. Who knows who our Charlie will be.
To think that from now on there won’t even be there Petolicchio to elegantly resume the aspiring Cicero with contouring. But let’s not waste time and let’s go straight to the report cards of the third episode of Beijing Express.
The Mediterraneans – Grade 6
How does the CROCCODAIL do? There is no one who knows. It is said that he eats too much, never wears a coat, that he stings with his teeth, that he cries very often. But when it’s quiet how does this CROCCODAIL do?
Luckily Le Mediterranee didn’t meet anyone croccodail on their way, but they met a rather debilitating malus. It almost seems to me that Le Mediterranee is a strange mix between Bugo and his bff that they go to Beijing Express to take an alternative holiday like Dora the Explorer, and the Italy-Brazil who want to win at all costs. Luckily the Mediterraneans are also much nicer than Nikita and Helena.
This time, however, they have to give way to Activists. Who knows if it was the fault of the famous Ayurvedic slippers. Even if Miss Italy didn’t seem to feel the slightest blow, loading her friend’s backpack with butter feet on her back (thank goodness her feet weren’t with tuna fish, which with tuna feet are always an indication of inventors of false stories).
The Activists – Vote 6
Giorgia and Federica do everything right in this episode. They decide not to let it get them down, relying on familiar places like pharmacies, and tackling the 1,000 steps to the temple like there’s no tomorrow. Their sacrifices pay offbecause to the general astonishment it is they who put the medal around their necks, snatching it from the Mediterraneans which until now had always jumped onto the red carpet first.
Oh I forgot, they certainly made a mistake: do not delete The Lawyers.
The Newlyweds – Vote 10
Here we talk a lot about the activists who won the test, but let’s not forget that the supreme winners are always The Newly Weds. Federica and Matteo demonstrate a unique complicity, especially when it comes to moving the boat forward with their own swimmers’ arms.
Added to this is a new sporting talent: the Indian version of steal the flag. When the Novelli Spossi have to get serious, they mean business, and there’s nothing that can stop them, except separate beds after a long Ayurvedic spa, and the spicy, unsolicited questions about Enzo Miccio.
The Educated – Grade 7
As long as the boat goes, let it go sang Orietta Berti. Just first make sure that it’s not the Learned (or rather, Andrea) rowing, otherwise with the cabbage that the boat goes.
Not even Andrea’s orange flag was enough, on the other hand why signal in advance that you are one red flag if seen from miles away. Not even Petolocchio’s mathematical skills were enough, especially when she realized that Indian children in second grade they are much smarter than the 13-year-old kids they show up at The college.
Despite everything, no one would have wanted to see the legendary duo end their journey. The law is hard, but the law (lawyers should know this well), it is precisely the women who decree the fate of the Educated Activists who thought well of not doing a disrespect to the neighborhood bullies, maybe they thought it was a non-eliminatory test. Also because it can clearly be said that Lawyers are the Mean Girls of the situation, so what kind of activist are you?!
As a farewell gift, Petolicchio and Andrea give us a long trek lasting 1000 steps, and an epic boat ride (Jack and Rose learned). This last step brought back fond memories of when I was learning to drive. Andrea with the oars was practically me with the steering in my hand, and the Rose… Mary Rose was clearly my mother who in calm tones, and definitely not worried, invited me kindly to brake in view of an obstacle (the good thing is that today I drive better than the tuk-tuk drivers in India).
Italian Americans – Grade 8
Nobody: Beijing Express is a journey to discover humble abodes, and the selfless kindness of the locals.
Joe Bastianich: Ok, let’s go talk to the manager of this 5-star luxury hotel, and get him to offer us a free room because we’re famous and have a New York accent.
The strategy “we aim for the rich” by Joe hasn’t borne fruit, but relying on the restaurateur brothers is a whole other story. A bit like Soleri who relies on pharmacies.
In any case, Joe and Andrea are doing pretty well in this stage as well, confirming themselves as one of the couples to beat, although I still don’t understand why Joe used half of the available space in his backpack to carry around a guitar. Had someone told him Beijing Express was a beach bonfire, singing Wanderwall while roasting marshmallows over the fire?
And why do you think it was Bugo to suggest this to him?
Mother and Son – Grade 7
After the health problems of the last episode Achille the nimble competitor of one time is back. The competitiveness of Martina Colombari is coming out even more, who called the VAR more times than we thought about the game of stealing the flag. But Achilles’ agility and Martina’s fierce character weren’t enough to get the better of her Matthew and Federica, who lived this competition with the same lightness with which they lived the Olympics.
In the end, however, they did one smart thing: jump on the red carpet saving you from taking another 400 steps in vain.
The Sicilies – Vote 6
I didn’t quite understand in what position the Sicilians had arrived, but for me they won everything: minimum effort, maximum result. The choice made sense for Mother and Son who have always arrived among the first, but the couple of lovebirds (not so much anymore) have always survived for the broken headphone (or for the sake of something else), this was a real masterstroke.
On the other hand, when it comes to winning shots, the good Totò knows something about it, even if his wife’s threats seem to be more and more concrete. Never whether in the next episodes I Siculi have to change their name The Newly Divorced.
You are ama.
Lawyers – Grade 2
We thought the joyful day had finally arrived. For a moment we thought we saw the Activists come Alice in the land of a thousand indies with theirs belongs to Bigralace in your hands, ready to take out the temputo CICCArampa.
But no. The Queen of Codes he is still there dictating the law and rumniare Cicles. On the other hand, they showed great cohesion, and a lot of sportsmanship, especially when it came to digesting the famous “malox”.
We still don’t know if they are still in the competition at the behest of the Activists, or if Lawyer 2 is too frightened by Lawyer 1’s reaction to back out at this point in the competition, the fact is that with every rant from Alessandra, I see in her eyes the same look as Jesse Pinkman dealing with a Walter White on fire.
In the end, I too would be afraid to live and travel 24/7 with the Queen of Cycles which looks a lot like khaleesi armed with dragons in dark days.
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